Raging Wars -part I

It happened when I was sitting on the couch, feverishly applying for any and all jobs. There I was, clicking and typing away, feeling fairly pleased with myself and my soon-to-be-victories over craigslist, monster, and yahoohotjobs, when I felt it. It started as a soft brushing tickle, beginning at my wrist and ending up on my forearm. I thought nothing of it but looked quickly to scratch the impending itch. As I looked unknowingly down, I saw then who would become my ongoing nemesis throughout my jobless days in California. He was small, black, and appeared to be lost. He had a look of childish innocence that I found unarming, with delicate black arms and legs that could only rival a grasshopper and a face of absolute gullibility. I can understand a first-time mistake, especially with an ant so obviously young, and I thoughtfully flicked the unwelcomed visitor onto the floor, hoping that he would 'make it out okay.' Shaking my head with a smile and thinking no more of the careless wanderings of one small ant, I began again the endless task of finding a job. No sooner had I finished shaking my head, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye another small beast, army-crawling atop my chest. "Agh!" and I flicked this little intruder to the floor as well, but with less forgiveness and more ferocity. This could not be a simple mistake. It was obviously some kind of intrusion, an invasion! I jumped up from my sitting place and saw without any hesitation in his eye, another small assassin, jumping from the top of the couch, screaming ant obscenities, and trying to land on me in order to crawl on me to death. He had the look of a food-obsessed junkie in his smoldering eyes and carefully posed arms and legs, and was just about ready to inflict some serious ant pain when I chopped him mid flight. He landed without a word, happily dead, and I raced (all 5 steps) to the kitchen. Armed with my ever-trusty Comet, I marched around the Casita, looking for any kind of gain of entrance these invading demon ants might find. I poured Comet all along the walls and even took it to their turf outside, pouring some on top of the little fiends, hopefully getting it on a mother or relative of one of the ants who dared enter my domain. I vacuumed and mopped the floors, hoping that cleaning supplies might fill their little disgusting lungs with poison and that they might die slowly and painfully (Hey! They invaded my living space, not the other way around!), ruing the day they entered my piece of paradise. However, despite my best efforts to poison the impending insects, I noticed that I had hardly made a dent in their efforts. It seemed only to encourage them, and they sent out all forces to my kitchen. I caught wind of their plan from a passing butterfly, and I began to rid the ant mecca (aka: my kitchen) of any and all open containers of food. I could hear triumphant shouts of victory, shouts of 'hurrah!' and 'hooray!' filling the air. The fools! The cocky little fools! I am a grown person with technology at my fingertips and they are just bite-size drones, marching to their death! I decided then, to quickly make a dash to the grocery store and buy some ant killer. I hope it does it's job, and makes the little fools suffer. Magnifying glasses will seem like heaven compared to the kind of torture I'm ready to inflict. More to be reported tomorrow, after I get the ant annihilator.