Thursday, May 29, 2008

Today, I was a pioneer. Not because I did anything brave or enduring, but because I was resourceful (I'm not sure why 'pioneer' came to mind, but I assume the pioneers were mighty resourceful when it came down to it. They probably put MacGyver to shame, even though Wikipedia describes him as "an incredibly resourceful secret agent."). So, I walked into the kitchen and beheld some overly-ripe bananas. Throw them away, you say? Never! I picked up the fruit, and decided to stop wasting and start resourcing (clever, right?). I made banana bread.

As I was letting the water run, I began to pat myself on the back, shuddering because of the icy air conditioning, and smiled for how inventive I am and what a resourceful (can't get enough of the word... 'resource' might start rivaling my love affair with commas...) person I am. I started thinking of how I could be even more resourceful. I mean, saving rotten bananas verses throwing them away was a step, but I needed something bigger. I resourced in my mind, what more resources I could resource and resourcing that I had resourced such a resource, I resourced that I could stop saying the word resource. I have come up with some ways I could single-handedly save the world.
  1. I am going to save soap by not using any. I will only use soap once a week on Saturdays, to ready myself for Sunday.
  2. I will always make banana bread, because it is so blessedly delicious. And because rotting bananas smell better when they're baking in the oven than when they are sitting in a fruit bowl, rotting.
  3. I will only check my email 46 times a day, rather than 18,988.
  4. I will sleep longer, thereby saving electricity. I won't have to turn on any lights if I go to bed at 6 pm and wake up at 10 am. Who am I kidding? Waking up at 10 am would not change my current habit of waking up at 10 am.
  5. I will only bath in the ocean or in our neighbor's swimming pool.
  6. I will gather leaves and fruit from the nearby trees, so we won't have to buy food. Everything we need is right outside our door!
  7. I will pick the neighbor's flowers, crush them, add some water, and make my own perfume. I used to do this as a child and I'm 99% sure that it works. Ask Carla (my best friend's mother); we used to always make 'perfume' for her and she always smelled good. I'm positive she was dousing herself in our homemade perfume. Positive.
  8. I will recruit honey bees in my backyard, luring them with delicious scents of banana bread. They will become my slaves and will make me honey, as well as protect and watch the house. I will have my own security system and will save on keys and locks.
  9. I will gather all my lose hair around the house (there is surprisingly a lot) and use it to stuff pillows and quilts. I will peddle my pillows and quilts to local tourists, who will buy the rarities and give me lots of money.
  10. Lastly, I will continue to not work, and save on gas that would be used to drive to what some people might call 'meaning,' or 'purpose.' A job is none of those things and anyone who disagrees probably has one. Can I just say, overrated?

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A fist to the face...

Well, Memorial weekend has come and gone (not like I would notice a break from the work week -I don't have a work week. I just have a week) and we had our fun much like I'm sure you had, though probably not as much because I wasn't there.

We have friends in LA (yes, we have friends; they were originally Josh's friends but they saw the light and are now my friends and they think I am cooler than him and even ask if we can hang out without him. I told them that he would find out and be mad and punch a wall) and we made the best of it and stayed there for a night and had them stay here a night. It was seriously fun and we can't get enough Felix time. We did the fun stuff and played games where I won so everyone had a good time because no one got hurt. Although, Mari Ann came close to getting a fist in her delicate face when I thought for a brief second she might pull ahead, but she narrowly escaped when I won big time in Mexican Train. Lucky for her face. She really is pretty and it would be a shame to ruin it. Although, not so unlucky for every other girl because that would be one less girl prettier than the rest of us. I am only mildly competitive and only mildly kidding.

It got me to thinking though. I know that I have discussed with all three of you how finding a couple that both you and your spouse likes is like dating, but harder. There are more personalities to combine, more people to impress, and more awkward conversations to avoid. See, its great when you find that other couple that you both like. No, its more than great. Its a miracle because you have found your couple's soul mate. You say things like, "I think I knew you before this life" or "We were destined for each other; you want to punch people in the face when they win the game, too?" I think we found ours once (I won't tell you who they are; they would get uncomfortable about it and probably feel obligated to put out or something), but like most good things, they moved on. I was so sad, it was worse than breaking up with a boyfriend because it was like breaking up with two boyfriends. I went through all the stages of a split -I cried, ate a lot, felt bitter abandonment, and even thought about trying to get back together. It wouldn't have worked I suppose. They were too good for us.

Its really hard for me, since I generally don't like most people. Josh likes just about everyone and can have a good time with 'em all. We differ on this level, and I am so selective on who gets to be my friend (most people don't even want to and I don't want them anyway, so its usually a mutual understanding), that I prefer to be alone when it really comes down to it. I don't quite know why, but believe it has something to do with an elated ego or something. Haven't figured it out yet though. I'll let you know when I do.

There are several couples we absolutely love but everyone seems to be out of reach (we don't live next door to any of them). We have really come to like our landlords so maybe they can be in the running for the Robbins' Couple Crush. We will have to deliberate (when I say 'we' I mean me because Josh thinks I "make too much of things." He thinks I'm like, dramatic or something. Whatever). But I hope we can spend more time with the Felix's, even though they live almost 2 hours away. Maybe Mari Ann sensed my surging fist and doesn't want to come for fear of winning a game and getting seriously hurt, we'll just have to see.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

All the animals in the zoo!

We went to the San Diego Zoo today (to answer any questions of what people without jobs do, they drag their husbands to the zoo), and had a blast. I could seriously sit and stare at the animals while they did nothing really, and that is pretty much what you do at the zoo. We got there as soon as it opened and left right when it was closing. It was fabulous. Here are some of the key points.
  • We went to an Aviator show, and the trainer was trying to get this enormous owl hawk to fly over the audience, thereby impressing them, but the owl hawk would not budge. She said, "Come here Oaf (his name). Come get the treat!" while doing the hand signal. The owl hawk looked at her, pooped a massive amount, and looked away, considering his options. He realized he wouldn't survive in the wild for long, and eventually flew down, feeling really guilty about making trainer/food-for-later look so ridiculous.
  • At the same show, they brought out this timber wolf that was HUGE. I never realized wolves were so big. This guy was enormous, but very shy, but I realized then and there that I would own one one day. Someday, when I live in the Alaska wild in a cabin I made with my bare hands, Wolf will come and be my companion and keep me safe. Some people will try to steal him to use him as a fighting dog and won't feed him and...that already happened in White Fang.
  • We were watching the chimps, and this 54 year old woman was smashing her face to the glass, tiling her head back and forth, and saying things like, "Oh princess... how is little princess? You want to play? You want to play and have fun? Oooohhhhh...." Yes I want to play. Want to smack you in the face til you stop talking like that to the chimps. They don't have a choice to listen to you, but I do.
  • Did you know that mountain lions are the same as pumas? I had never been clear, but we were checking out the mountain lion and everyone was laughing and pointing. I noticed that one of the big cats was stalking this 8 year old boy with a huge goofie hat on (wrong theme park boy) through the cage. The cat was following the boy everywhere he went, pacing the side of the cage with the boy, and even got behind some leaves, when the boy got closer, ready to pounce and annihilate. Everyone, his mom included, was oohing and aahing, thinking how sweet that was. Ummm.. there is only some steel and iron that is keeping that kid from being ripped apart and you are finding this endearing? Some people shouldn't have kids...
  • We went to this Myths and More animal show (not the same one as mentioned above), and they brought out these leopards. They were two females and ridiculously beautiful. Well, apparently they are critically endangered and they are trying desperately to mate the cats. They had found a suitable mate but apparently the two girls took one look at the male, and walked off. They have been trying to get these guys together for 5 years, but to no avail. Hey, maybe this guy is a total loser and you're trying to force him on these perfectly respectable females? Maybe find a cat that doesn't have a reputation for being a player and certainly don't expect the girls to go for the same guy! I can't believe they are still trying to force the issue when clearly the girls know they aren't interested.
  • In the same show, there was this cheetah and her best friend is a golden retriever dog. They sleep together, play together, do everything together, but can't eat together. Apparently the dog will chase the cat off the food and she won't be able to eat. They also mentioned that every Saturday and Sunday they let the cheetahs race. They set them up and let them race each other for 100 yards. I really want to see that!
  • The zoo keepers take some of the more trained animals for walks around the zoo! We saw one sign for wild singing dogs that said they wouldn't be on exhibit because they were being exercised. We later saw some employees with strange-looking dogs on leashes, being ushered around the background of the zoo. I am so jealous. They can take some of the cheetahs, wolves, and other large mammals that are more used to people, on walks with leashes. Maybe they can take out that puma and let him look around for that boy...
  • Josh and I are not so sure we didn't evolve from monkeys. We watched those gorillas and one of the babies was looking at me, and pretty much told me with his expression that he was less than impressed by me. And the big male was sitting on a rock platform like a man does in a chair. He had his legs out and his hands folded in his lap. He seemed to be saying, 'Look, I live here and am forced to encounter you idiots day in and day out. Give me a break and stop pointing and laughing every time I pee, pick up a stick, or do any other ordinary thing. Leave me some dignity man!"
  • We went to the snake house and I was just willing myself to speak parseltongue. I was pretty sure I communicated with at least 5 of the snakes, and that they will be doing my bidding -escaping and riding this world of that 54 year old woman who spoke nonsense to the monkeys. They hate her too. She talked to them in her sing-song baby voice also. Big mistake with a Pit Viper...
  • Umm... koalas sleep 18-20 hours a day. Where do I sign up?
  • We saw a pig thing that came straight from Lord of the Rings. Josh asked how it can possibly be fair that one animal could get all the world's ugliest animal traits. I was pretty mad at him... it hurt the pig thing's feelings, if he could even hear through all the ear hair.
  • Lastly, we were walking through a bird habitat and a Chinese Fighting Duck jumped out and tried to attack us as we walked by. It freaked us both out and we ran a little, but not before we realized a Chinese Fighting Duck had just frightened us in public and made us look like fools. It wasn't really called a Chinese Fighting Duck; it was just some duck that wanted to be part of the zoo but wasn't really cool enough. He had a complex and was just trying to flex some muscle for the tropical birds with colorful beaks and huge wingspans. I'm pretty sure they were all impressed.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Hurry up, Carsies!

I had two job interviews today, neither of which I would be interested in taking. This may come as a surprise to those of you who I spoke with yesterday, being that I was completely stoked with the first, the animal center. I walked in, started sneezing and with watery eyes, met the supervisor. I sneezed throughout the entire interview as she explained I would have to work weekends and holidays, not be able to handle the animals that often, receive minor compensation in wages, and have a lot of angry people yell at me when I said they would not able to adopt one of our animals. The two things that bothered me with this job was the working of weekends/holidays and the apparent allergy-attack I was having in this woman's chair. I can handle dog fur/dander, but not cat. Cat dander does not suit me, as I'm sure it does not suit many others. So, forget that one!

After I had gotten home, I ran a few worthless errands with Josh. He needed to go to the post office and drop off some soccer balls and I sure had nothing to do so I opted for the drive. It kind of reminded me of when I was little and I was practically incompetent, I was strapped next to my mom's purse, going everywhere she went (the mall to get Orang-Julius, the bank, the grocery store, and anywhere else a mother of 8 goes). So there we were, child and parent going to the post office when I hear Josh hurry the passing cars along. "Hurry up carsies..." No anger, no prior discussion in baby-talk, nothing to prompt this remark. I didn't say anything at the time (Josh will probably read this and give me a crusty look when he realizes what I've done...), but I realized that I have a far larger impact on him than even he realizes. I might just be the most powerful person in the entire world. I have the ability to ingrain myself into people's subconscious, until eventually they are behaving exactly as I would and doing and saying things that I would do and say. The world will be a better place because of it. Imagine. People will stop trying to talk to each other in public places! Seriously. I am on the edge of being anti-social and I really think there would be less crime, hate, bankruptcy, murder, and ugly shoes in this world if people behaved a little less socially and a little more anti. That's all I'm saying, and most likely Josh is saying this too since he is becoming me. As soon as he talks to the flower in front of our house and wishes it a good day every time he leaves and tells the ants that invade our lives that they will all be quickly in their graves and down in hell as soon as the bug guy comes on Friday, then he will be exactly like I am. Lucky him and lucky world. One more Courtney out there only betters mankind...

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Rolls -A tribute to my mother

I have never felt my mother's love and acceptance more than when I have finished making bread. That probably has something to do with the fact that my mother could never love a daughter who doesn't bake her own bread. That, and her daughters must be blonde. Never mind the bleach and peroxide it requires to 'maintain' the blonde, she assured me once that she only had blonde daughters (she told me this when I rebelled and dyed my hair brown; thinking it looked pretty awesome, she assured me that it did not and she never trusted that hair stylist again. Sorry Jen. You lost our business forever that day. You just didn't know that Asay girls are blonde, sort of.).

Anyway, being that its Mothers Day and she has been in my thought constantly today, I opted to make a very Sunday Mothers Day meal, something that reminded me completely of my sweet mom. There are some comfort foods that really ease the blow of not having my mom around and stew with rolls is definitely one of them. Yes, I made rolls, from scratch, with scratch ingredients, from scratch, using only scratch (get that there was no 'rolls in a box' type thing going on? They were from scratch, with scratch ingredients, oh you know!). I was so concerned that things wouldn't work out (I have made other forms of bread, but never rolls...), but my concerns were easily forgotten once I smelled and tasted the rolls. I didn't use my mother's recipe (I don't know where it is!), but used one from my trusty Home & Gardens, the best cookbook to have ever come into existence. The recipes, if done right, have always come out great. That is the cookbook I go to, if there are other recipes besides the ones in there and the ones from my mother or family, then I'll never know because I won't try any others. Anyway, I took some pictures of my beautiful rolls. They were beautiful.

I also want to make a small tribute to the woman I love to pieces. My mother is one of my best friends, always has been, and is one of the most charitable, selfless women on earth. Always up for a party, she loves to laugh and has always made me laugh with her. I love her, I miss her, and I am so excited for her to come home, but am proud of her for where she is and what she's doing there (my parents are mission presidents in Argentina). Mom, I love you. Thanks for all your support and all the work you do.

Also, I wanted to post some pictures of what it requires for me to make a phone call. We have no reception, so when we're at home, we have the privilege of hiking an old horse trail. Here are some pics of what its like once you're at the top. Josh took the one of me on the phone, in case you were wondering how I set that up.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Beaches, books, and bugs

I was thinking that I should change my post to something that more accurately describes things for me right now. Yes, it is is still May-Gray and still gloomy outside, but today, my mood does not parallel the weather. I was thinking of how many things I have to be grateful for, and the list honestly seemed endless. I decided to make the most of my time not working, and read 'til some poor unfortunate company hires me. Ha! The fools, I'll get them yet.

The first thing that came to mind is how thankful and how much I love my sisters (I hope this doesn't embarrass them because they are one of the few people that read this...). They have been so supportive to me not only now, but through my entire life. I have really admired every single one of them and have always just wanted their approval (not with clothes, mind you, we have always had very different tastes in attire), and they seem to always be encouraging and building me up. Things haven't always been perfect because none of us are perfect, but truthfully, they are perfect. I know that they will always support and help me along, being the baby and all, and I can always depend on them. I love 'em and always will. No one has better sisters. No one.

The second thing that I'm pretty thankful for is books. I have always loved to read and moving here hasn't changed that. I went to the library, picked up 4 books, two days later finished all 4, and plan on returning to the library to pick up some more. Ah... thank you written world. You have saved me once again (the first time was when I broke my ankle playing soccer at the beginning of the summer and took that experience as an excuse make myself a recluse and to hole up in our family's library and read, read, and read).

The third thing I am thankful for is the beach. I honestly do love it (maybe as much as Nat) and spent a lot of today just walking and reading on it. The beach is perfect and I had forgotten that you can still go to it when its not 80 degrees. Its almost better that way because no one else is there and you have it to yourself.

The fourth thing that I will mention that I'm thankful for is ant. See, at first I saw them as enemites, little beasts sent to torment me. Now, spending a full week with no one but the ants, I have come to befriend them and have even gotten to know their names. The names change of course, since I don't really know who is who, but talking to them has really helped me understand their plight. I have put borders of where they can and cannot go using Comet, and they seem to be obeying my wishes (that or they know that crossing the white dust will surely kill them). Bite-size, my favorite, was telling me yesterday about how carrying the poison from the traps I put out was really starting to wear him out. I told him not to worry about it but to make sure he got his family plenty of food from those traps, because you never know when you're going to get a pitcher of water dumped on your family's ant hole and then get stomped on and then get Comet poured on top. He agreed and said he was going to work double-time. I told him that that was a good idea.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

May-Gray, June-Gloom, etc, etc, etc...

Raging Wars -Part II will have to wait, since there is not much progress being made. The rain has forced the little tyrants into their hole of a home and left me, for now, alone.

I think the sky could accurately depict my current mood and situation -bored and glum (its 'May-Gray' season here). And here I sit, fully dressed and with a full face of make-up, and no where to go and no one to see. This is how pathetic my life has become. I get ready for the day as though I will actually do something. Josh left Monday morning for Texas and will stay there until Saturday night, and that pretty much sums up all the people I know here.

It isn't as depressing as you might think, considering the few things I have to look forward to. Here is the following list that keeps me only somewhat sane. They are the following:
  • Fruity Pebbles -Does it get any better than that? Really? I didn't think so.
  • My shower every morning/afternoon -This is something I look forward to because it is actually something to do and doesn't involve walking from one end of the casita to the other, which unbelievably, only takes 10 seconds. It makes me feel like a real person.
  • Putting makeup on -This never gets old and I could do it for a living. Now who will hire me without a cosmetology license... No one? Right... sounds like what I'm currently facing with every other job I've applied for.
  • Checking craigslist, yahoohotjobs, and monster -Once I've applied and checked all the latest listings, my day is pretty much at a standstill, waiting for the day to just end!
  • Grocery store -Normally, this would be something I would dread, but with absolutely NOTHING to do, the grocery store gets pretty exciting. Believe me when I say that grocery shopping now involves checking every label.
  • Meal times -What a surprise, eh? Not really, if you even know me at all.
  • When I climb the horse trail up the road to get reception in order to make a phone call to Josh, telling him that the internet is not working. He then gives me some directions, I walk back home, try his instructions, they don't work, and I consider strangling myself before having to climb the horse trail again.
Now for those of you are thinking how thankful you are to not be me, just know that I also would like to not be me right now. That makes two of us. But really, I think once and if I ever get a job, my life will dramatically improve, because you can only wash every single dish in the house, look at every single item of clothing you own, read the last and final book of Harry Potter (the only book I have), and play Guitar Hero, so many times a day (all literal things I have had to do in order to keep myself from going more crazy than I already am).

I was going to post a picture of me looking really sad but I couldn't find the camera. Probably because Josh puts everything 'away' (away: somewhere so obscure and hard to find that no one will ever bother looking for it). Did I mention that I am unbelievably bored? And for anyone wondering why I am not at the beach, did I mention 'May-Gray?' What that means is that so close to the coast, it will remain overcast for the next month. Glorious California, eh? Please don't envy me.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Raging Wars -part I

It happened when I was sitting on the couch, feverishly applying for any and all jobs. There I was, clicking and typing away, feeling fairly pleased with myself and my soon-to-be-victories over craigslist, monster, and yahoohotjobs, when I felt it. It started as a soft brushing tickle, beginning at my wrist and ending up on my forearm. I thought nothing of it but looked quickly to scratch the impending itch. As I looked unknowingly down, I saw then who would become my ongoing nemesis throughout my jobless days in California. He was small, black, and appeared to be lost. He had a look of childish innocence that I found unarming, with delicate black arms and legs that could only rival a grasshopper and a face of absolute gullibility. I can understand a first-time mistake, especially with an ant so obviously young, and I thoughtfully flicked the unwelcomed visitor onto the floor, hoping that he would 'make it out okay.' Shaking my head with a smile and thinking no more of the careless wanderings of one small ant, I began again the endless task of finding a job. No sooner had I finished shaking my head, when I noticed out of the corner of my eye another small beast, army-crawling atop my chest. "Agh!" and I flicked this little intruder to the floor as well, but with less forgiveness and more ferocity. This could not be a simple mistake. It was obviously some kind of intrusion, an invasion! I jumped up from my sitting place and saw without any hesitation in his eye, another small assassin, jumping from the top of the couch, screaming ant obscenities, and trying to land on me in order to crawl on me to death. He had the look of a food-obsessed junkie in his smoldering eyes and carefully posed arms and legs, and was just about ready to inflict some serious ant pain when I chopped him mid flight. He landed without a word, happily dead, and I raced (all 5 steps) to the kitchen. Armed with my ever-trusty Comet, I marched around the Casita, looking for any kind of gain of entrance these invading demon ants might find. I poured Comet all along the walls and even took it to their turf outside, pouring some on top of the little fiends, hopefully getting it on a mother or relative of one of the ants who dared enter my domain. I vacuumed and mopped the floors, hoping that cleaning supplies might fill their little disgusting lungs with poison and that they might die slowly and painfully (Hey! They invaded my living space, not the other way around!), ruing the day they entered my piece of paradise. However, despite my best efforts to poison the impending insects, I noticed that I had hardly made a dent in their efforts. It seemed only to encourage them, and they sent out all forces to my kitchen. I caught wind of their plan from a passing butterfly, and I began to rid the ant mecca (aka: my kitchen) of any and all open containers of food. I could hear triumphant shouts of victory, shouts of 'hurrah!' and 'hooray!' filling the air. The fools! The cocky little fools! I am a grown person with technology at my fingertips and they are just bite-size drones, marching to their death! I decided then, to quickly make a dash to the grocery store and buy some ant killer. I hope it does it's job, and makes the little fools suffer. Magnifying glasses will seem like heaven compared to the kind of torture I'm ready to inflict. More to be reported tomorrow, after I get the ant annihilator.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Melting Pot and Mermaids

Being without a job definitely has some perks. Consider this, would I have had the privilege of witnessing first hand our very own little melting pot here on the beaches of California? I highly doubt it.

As Josh and I found out, most normal people (who are not tending their children, mind you), work in the middle of the day. This was proven as factual when on Friday day, I managed to pull Josh away from his beloved Mac (some screaming and lots of kicking required), and we made our way to the beach for a little fun in the sun. We were just settling into our plot of sand, when a group of coeds made their way next to us. I didn't think too much of the bombardment, until one of the studly guys, while sitting on his towel which was immediately next to everyone else's towels, began upheaving every last morsel of food that he had eaten in the last 24 hours. I watched, like a train wreck you can't pull your eyes off of, until he was finished. His buddy, apparently not disturbed by the new addition (his buddy's puke pile), asked him if he was 'cool.' He affirmed that he was, walked a few paces away and pulled out a much needed cigarette. The coeds continued their frisbee throwing lives as though nothing were out of the ordinary. They all later laid out together, the coeds and the puke pile.

The next person of interest was the hippie directly to my right. She had brought with her to the beach her most prized hula hoop (all silver and important-looking). Her boyfriend later showed up with a dated stereo and of course, his tribal sticks to which he started throwing and dancing with in some kind of special tribal manner. I was somewhat bewildered, but became even more perplexed when the hippie started dancing with her hula hoop in her bikini on the beach, not 40 feet from puke pile. She rolled her body and swayed with her hula hoop to the music. Imagine my surprise when more hula hippies showed up (3 more hula hippies with hula hoops in stow)! I shook it off and realized that we were most certainly not in Kansas anymore.

My last acknowledgment goes to the very overweight and very tattooed woman sitting on her beach towel, with her boyfriend sitting right next to her, gently caressing her largest tattoo, directly between her shoulder blades. Like the two scenarios mentioned above, it was impossible to take my eyes off of it. I watched helplessly as the boyfriend petted his lover's mermaid, and hoped for one of the hippie's hula hoops to hit me and knock me unconscience, that or the second coming. Since neither seemed likely, I forced myself to get up and walk to the water's edge and take a break from the barbaric sexuality taking place before me.

I began thinking of the freak show that I was privy to on our very own beach. There are certainly a wide variety of people in all their shapes and sizes (mermaids included). When Josh asked our neighbors which beach they frequented, they named one a little farther up north. Her words, "There seems to be a lot skankier people at Moonlight [the beach we go to]." If by skankier she meant coeds puking, hippies swaying to strange melodies, and large women with large tattooes being gently fondled by their partners, she was right! Be it as it may, we will absolutely visit Moonlight again and look forward to the future freak shows.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Consider yourself officially blogged...

There's no turning back now. This is my second post and I have now officially become a blogger. Although if you check my sister's blog -yes, we all have one -she notes that in order to become an official blogger, one must be 'tagged.' I'm not sure what this means, being 'tagged,' but I've pretty much come up with the conclusion that it entails posting trivial information about one's self. Come on, you know what I'm talking about! Those forwarded emails with 15 bulleted points about how many places someone has lived, their favorite movies, summer or fall, etc.? Still don't know what I'm talking about? Consider yourself fortunate.

Regardless, I have instructed a way that every person who reads this blog (all 3 of you), will have a pretty clear idea of what I'm about. Here are 25 things about me. This could get ugly and most definitely will get scary.

  1. I love to shop. I just did, in fact, and every time I do (watch the commas Court...), I feel on top of the world. I feel like a better person really. I see others walking with their shopping bags and honestly consider them good people, sheerly for the fact that they have bettered them self with something new.
  2. I am an absolute 100% candidate to be the crazy dog person. There is no end for my love and devotion to the beasts, I would have 15 if Josh and the people who own the property we're currently squatting on would let me.
  3. I hate olives. They taste like rotting skunk scum. Don't know what that tastes like? Try an olive...
  4. I love baked potatoes. Eating them most every night would feel in my heart, so very right. I even make up rhythms for them.
  5. I, like my sister, talk to inordinate objects. For example, picking up my purse today, I had to ask it if it was excited to be in California. Me: "Did you have a good trip, Coachy? Did you get lots of sleepies on the way here in the big truck? Were you and Dooney telling each other lots of jokes?" Purse: Nothing.
  6. My eyesight, despite the efforts of Lasik, are deteriorating at cyber speeds (I don't even know how fast cyber speed is but I imagine its pretty damn fast).
  7. I am not emo and I love Dashboard Confessional. People pretty much hate me for this, but I can't control my love for their whiny grooves.
  8. I could watch Nacho Libre every since day for the rest of eternity and still find myself laughing with tears of joy in my ever-decomposing eyes.
  9. Josh, my husband, is pretty much the funniest guy I know.
  10. I consider myself freakishly strong. Honestly. I will sit up at night, and brag to Josh about how strong I am. Any proof? Naw. Its just one of those things that I've convinced myself of.
  11. I love ice cream. Just bought some at the grocery store today and had a cone yesterday. I could live off of it.
  12. I am on a Calle Mission in Encinitas California. Josh told me that today. I need to start spreading the Calle gospel, whatever that is...
  13. I am Twilight obsessed. Is there a stronger word for obsessed? Because thats what I really am. 15 notches above obsessed.
  14. I like little kids. Ones I'm related to tend to be cuter than the others, but kids in general are pretty awesome.
  15. Kids like me, no, love me. Its an interesting thing to watch a child see me for the first time. They automatically love me and ask me to be their mommy. If they can't talk, they signal using discreet hand gestures. I'm convinced this is due to my large range of facial expressions. My face muscles just seem to be more advanced than the rest of you mere mortals.
  16. I love reading cook books and enjoy cooking, but don't actually do it.
  17. I miss my mom and dad. They live in Argentina now because they don't love me.
  18. My husband and my best friend are in love with each other. Every time I mention her name, he says, "Have I told you how much I adore that girl?" She probably won him over when she adopted his foot stool that he made in junior high shop class. Needless to say, I have been trying to rid myself of that little 'masterpiece' since before I met Josh (I don't know how that is possible, but somehow it is)
  19. My car, Goose, is my alter-ego. Josh says I treat her like some kind of rare Mercedes.
  20. I love to sleep and not only do I love it, but I need it. I need a minimum of 8 hours of sleep a night. Nine is better, 12 is best.
  21. Did I mention that I love dogs?
  22. Just in case I didn't mention it yet, I love dogs.
  23. I have a tendency for violence.
  24. I was hand-fed goodies from Nordstrom my entire life and have a hard time really shopping anywhere else. Its my mother's fault and I blame her for any debt which I might accrue. Nordstrom is like a haven of mine and the piano-playing melody that is Nordstrom, makes my heart sing (if you don't know what I'm talking about, why are you reading this? Are we friends?)
  25. I played soccer, but do not consider myself a soccer player. Why is that...