All the animals in the zoo!

We went to the San Diego Zoo today (to answer any questions of what people without jobs do, they drag their husbands to the zoo), and had a blast. I could seriously sit and stare at the animals while they did nothing really, and that is pretty much what you do at the zoo. We got there as soon as it opened and left right when it was closing. It was fabulous. Here are some of the key points.

• We went to an Aviator show, and the trainer was trying to get this enormous owl hawk to fly over the audience, thereby impressing them, but the owl hawk would not budge. She said, "Come here Oaf (his name). Come get the treat!" while doing the hand signal. The owl hawk looked at her, pooped a massive amount, and looked away, considering his options. He realized he wouldn't survive in the wild for long, and eventually flew down, feeling really guilty about making trainer/food-for-later look so ridiculous.
• At the same show, they brought out this timber wolf that was HUGE. I never realized wolves were so big. This guy was enormous, but very shy, but I realized then and there that I would own one one day. Someday, when I live in the Alaska wild in a cabin I made with my bare hands, Wolf will come and be my companion and keep me safe. Some people will try to steal him to use him as a fighting dog and won't feed him and...that already happened in White Fang.
• We were watching the chimps, and this 54 year old woman was smashing her face to the glass, tiling her head back and forth, and saying things like, "Oh princess... how is little princess? You want to play? You want to play and have fun? Oooohhhhh...." Yes I want to play. Want to smack you in the face til you stop talking like that to the chimps. They don't have a choice to listen to you, but I do.
• Did you know that mountain lions are the same as pumas? I had never been clear, but we were checking out the mountain lion and everyone was laughing and pointing. I noticed that one of the big cats was stalking this 8 year old boy with a huge goofie hat on (wrong theme park boy) through the cage. The cat was following the boy everywhere he went, pacing the side of the cage with the boy, and even got behind some leaves, when the boy got closer, ready to pounce and annihilate. Everyone, his mom included, was oohing and aahing, thinking how sweet that was. Ummm.. there is only some steel and iron that is keeping that kid from being ripped apart and you are finding this endearing? Some people shouldn't have kids...
• We went to this Myths and More animal show (not the same one as mentioned above), and they brought out these leopards. They were two females and ridiculously beautiful. Well, apparently they are critically endangered and they are trying desperately to mate the cats. They had found a suitable mate but apparently the two girls took one look at the male, and walked off. They have been trying to get these guys together for 5 years, but to no avail. Hey, maybe this guy is a total loser and you're trying to force him on these perfectly respectable females? Maybe find a cat that doesn't have a reputation for being a player and certainly don't expect the girls to go for the same guy! I can't believe they are still trying to force the issue when clearly the girls know they aren't interested.
• In the same show, there was this cheetah and her best friend is a golden retriever dog. They sleep together, play together, do everything together, but can't eat together. Apparently the dog will chase the cat off the food and she won't be able to eat. They also mentioned that every Saturday and Sunday they let the cheetahs race. They set them up and let them race each other for 100 yards. I really want to see that!
• The zoo keepers take some of the more trained animals for walks around the zoo! We saw one sign for wild singing dogs that said they wouldn't be on exhibit because they were being exercised. We later saw some employees with strange-looking dogs on leashes, being ushered around the background of the zoo. I am so jealous. They can take some of the cheetahs, wolves, and other large mammals that are more used to people, on walks with leashes. Maybe they can take out that puma and let him look around for that boy...
• Josh and I are not so sure we didn't evolve from monkeys. We watched those gorillas and one of the babies was looking at me, and pretty much told me with his expression that he was less than impressed by me. And the big male was sitting on a rock platform like a man does in a chair. He had his legs out and his hands folded in his lap. He seemed to be saying, 'Look, I live here and am forced to encounter you idiots day in and day out. Give me a break and stop pointing and laughing every time I pee, pick up a stick, or do any other ordinary thing. Leave me some dignity man!"
• We went to the snake house and I was just willing myself to speak parseltongue. I was pretty sure I communicated with at least 5 of the snakes, and that they will be doing my bidding -escaping and riding this world of that 54 year old woman who spoke nonsense to the monkeys. They hate her too. She talked to them in her sing-song baby voice also. Big mistake with a Pit Viper...
• Umm... koalas sleep 18-20 hours a day. Where do I sign up?
• We saw a pig thing that came straight from Lord of the Rings. Josh asked how it can possibly be fair that one animal could get all the world's ugliest animal traits. I was pretty mad at him... it hurt the pig thing's feelings, if he could even hear through all the ear hair.
  
• Lastly, we were walking through a bird habitat and a Chinese Fighting Duck jumped out and tried to attack us as we walked by. It freaked us both out and we ran a little, but not before we realized a Chinese Fighting Duck had just frightened us in public and made us look like fools. It wasn't really called a Chinese Fighting Duck; it was just some duck that wanted to be part of the zoo but wasn't really cool enough. He had a complex and was just trying to flex some muscle for the tropical birds with colorful beaks and huge wingspans. I'm pretty sure they were all impressed.