Antisocial?

As I was sitting at work, trying to numb my mind to make the hideous task of inactivating 2000 patients from the 1950's less painful, I was thinking about having to hurry home to make some kind of salad for some friends' bbq. I was in the midst of thinking about how to get out of such an event, when it truly struck me that were it up to me, which it is obviously not, I would never for the rest of my life attend another social function. I was somewhat in awe as I considered that truly being happy had the motto of 'Leave me the hell alone' somewhere along it. I immediately felt shame for these thoughts, being that I'm married to Josh, the world's biggest lover of social gatherings, and he is always making comments on how antisocial I am and how I am a terrible person because of it. Then, when I really thought deeply about it (inactivating patients from the updated system requires no concentration whatsoever and I'm close to having the monkeys trained to perform this task without supervision), I was irritated about the shame I felt; why should I be made to feel as though solitude is an evil thing and being surrounded by nameless faces the better alternative? I hate having to sit amongst people and remain civil, without so much as a light punch to anyone's face. Its nearly unbearable not getting to punch anyone in the face in a day, you know, and I have had to live that way for nearly my entire married life! Josh doesn't think it acceptable to punch someone in the face when you disagree with them about reality tv shows or anything else of such high importance, and so he has made me promise I would not.

I should make it clear, however, that the social gatherings I refer to are not actual friends' social gatherings. They are gatherings with people you do not feel comfortable punching in the face or openly insulting, and they tend to involve things like smiling and shaking hands. I hate doing that, by the way, shaking a new acquaintance's hand. Its rather unbearable and I think that maybe we might like to switch the hand-shaking ritual to something more preferable, like kicking a new social contact in the shins. That would definitely be advantageous, since I guarantee there would be less social gatherings and people might actually put some thought into who they are meeting and being introduced to. You won't go to a random assembly without being pretty sure that you're going to like the people. It is way more responsible, really, and I plan on starting it immediately. I think then, I would not be invited to anymore outings (until the shin-kicking thing caught on, of course), and Josh could still go. I can't figure out why he doesn't just go to these things alone, but I guess its probably because he doesn't like to be alone at any point in time, and driving 10 minutes in the car alone would likely be the death of him.