The hottest place on Earth

I have just found the solution to the United State's growing prisoner population. Take each and every prisoner, and drop them off in Arizona in summer. I can think of no greater or more terrible torture.

Josh and I were just in Arizona this last weekend, spending time with Eli. Josh's bro. Eli's work sent him and all other management and their families to a resort for some meetings and conferences. Well, we count as Eli's family and so off we went, to the hottest place on earth. It was incredibly fun, but that was primarily due to spending as much time as possible indoors. The daytime was like an oven and I continually wondered when my clothes were going to suddenly burst into flames. I kept thinking, 'Who lives here intentionally? Why choose to live in hell?' It was then that I got my grand idea of packing all the inmates of the US, building a giant fence that no one could get over or under, and putting the said inmates in the fence. If people were aware that should they rob that liquor store, they would be sent over to Hades, I'm pretty sure they would greatly reconsider. Tell them they would have to wear socks and covered shoes while in Hades and they would undoubtedly put the gun down and never rob again. I think we would see a lot more people in church and a lot less people in custody.

There were good times, though. The times in between being outside were pretty awesome and I enjoyed those very much. Like when I spent one of the days at the spa while the boys were out golfing. I got a facial, took a turn in the steam room, got a manicure, got a massage, and simply read magazines in my fluffy white robe and slippers. It was exquisite to be so pampered, although I don't really live a lifestyle that would elicit such treatment. I basically try to live as pampered as possible.

I should also mention the water park that the resort trip entailed. There was a water park inside of the resort and we decided to forgo our ages and see what creative fun we could have while trying to hide the fact that we were at least 10 years older than every other person there. Well, we get to these slides and naturally, one must be at least 48' tall. There was this little boy ahead of me, who was barely 3' tall, let alone the required 48'. I kindly asked him if he thought he was tall enough for the slides, to which he grinned, and explained to me that he had already been on these same slides 3 other times. I nodded, satisfied, deciding that if he hadn't died by now, he most likely would not die on the slides. Well, unfortunately for him there was a lifeguard change and the incredibly worthless male lifeguard who did more babe watching than actual life-saving was traded for some 13 year old, who had a better chance of saving a gummy bear than saving a drowning human being. Well, my little friend steps up to the plate, fearless I might add, when the 13 year old lifeguard stops him. She asks him to stand next to the height board, to which he obviously fails, and then proceeds to tell him that he cannot ride the slides; he's too short. Have you ever seen a riot, because I have ever since the day the lifeguard told the small boy he would not be riding the slide ride. People were booing and hissing at her, chanting and protesting. She held firm, though, clearly uncomfortable but clearly determined to not let the little person die on her watch (the male lifeguard hadn't even realized he was on watch. He was wearing his unibomber shades and I'm pretty much convinced he was asleep the entire time). Fathers of other children there were outraged and letting the pint sized lifeguard know it. It was pretty incredible, and I regret to admit that I moderately got caught up in the rush of outrage and maybe only once booed the lifeguard. I stopped immediately once her tears started. Hey. If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen, or in this case, Arizona.