As most people would agree, we all end up doing things we long ago decided we would never do. For instance, I committed long ago to never marry a soccer player. Little did I know that when I was making these vows and promises, swearing up and down that the last thing I wanted in life was to be eternally coached whenever I chanced to play again, Josh was apparently there making the exact opposite vows and promises -to only marry a soccer player -but his vows were apparently stronger. Looks like he won, yet again. Josh 209,987 Courtney 0. Make that 209,988. Josh just brought home a surf board. Apparently, he got a 'killer deal.' Yeah, and I just felt a killer instinct. But ANYWAY...
See, this all came about when I promised myself that I would never commit a murder, no matter how much Josh bugged me, no matter how much traffic there was, and no matter how much the woman at the zoo irritated me. But like I previously touched on before, we all do things we once said were below or beneath us. Yes, I broke that promise and I committed murder. But not in the sense of hiding in a dark corner of the room waiting to attack an unsuspecting victim, but more in the sense of hiring accomplished assassins to do my evil bidding, too weak and afraid to do it myself.
It all came about when our landlord noticed our ant traps ('traps' meaning miniature houses that supposedly lure ants in, filling their tiny arms with poison to bring back to their unsuspecting families; don't be fooled. It doesn't work. Either the ants know exactly whats inside the house replicas and avoid them, or they have developed a keen tolerance to the poison. I have a feeling they were laughing at us.) scattered like land mines throughout our house. "Ant problem?" she asked. "Yeah, but we're taking care of it, " I non too confidently replied. "Let me make a call. I know a guy..." and it all ended there. A call was made. Lives were terminated, and the ants are no more. No one seems to ask questions or wonder what ever happened to the impending invaders, but that doesn't stop me from thinking on them from time to time. I won't forget how they had initially bombarded me, attacking both my physical self and my immediate dwelling. But that is all long ago and done with. They are like ghosts of the past, immortalized by every crumb, every speck and trace of comet, and every tickle on my arm or neck. I'm almost sorry to see them go. They were my companions, after all, regardless if they were ill company or not. We lived together and have common bonds in that regard. Besides, I have now broken two promises to myself; I married a soccer player and I killed many someones (if ants can be considered 'someones,' which I think they can. Any creature that cunning and clever deserves to be considered a 'someone.').
Also, Josh just said my armpits look and feel like chicken skin. I'm thinking about killing some more, and not just ants.
7 comments:
HAHA!! Chicken skin armpits.... I did always know there was something different about your under arms. hehehe. Oh, and I love Josh's new surf board. It is seriously fantastic. I mean it. Anybody willing to try out surfing on your people killing by sharks streak, must be seriously brave.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH
The surfboard is so big! I never realized they were so big. Where are you going to store it? I thought you
didn't have that much room. It's very nice though --I think. I don't know anything about surfboards! I like your hair by the way Corker! I love you MOM
That can not be a normal sized surf board, can it?!? It's HUGE! That or your hubbie is freakishly small... ummm... By the way, I tried the ant houses too. They didn't really work for us either, but I didn't feel bad killing them, since they would come in the hundreds every time I didn't sweep the floor at night. *shudders*
OK, it appears something needs to be cleared up...I am not freakishly small. I am, in fact, a very well-statured, muscular, broad-shouldered, wise, man standing next to a 9 foot surfboard. It fits great in our living room leaning up against the backside of our counter that borders the living room.
You're not fooling anyone, Josh. You are freakishly small (kidding, kidding!) Have you taken the board out for a spin yet? We'd like to hear all about it. You for sure look the part, I'll give you that!
I will say it again, if those were Texas fire ants, you'd be very glad to see every last one of them murdered in their sleep. I love most creatures of the world...except birds and fire ants. Oh, and mosquitoes and huge beetles and earwigs and BATS and Manerva. Hmmm, maybe I didn't mean "most" creatures. We'll go with "many."
Your hair does look really cute. But that is no surprise!
Yeah, I also vowed to never marry a soccer player OR a surfer......I succeeded, but you have failed! I am glad you failed cause Josh is an awesome guy, and looks great standing next to a surf board. When he gets highlights, that is the time I will forget I ever knew him, until then surf on Josh, surf on....
I wonder what chicken skin feels like? And that is a mother of a surfboard, is that a normal size?... Anywho, miss you! Any luck with the jobs yet? We need to talk!
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