Learned

Being incognito has given me the opportunity to look at the world around me, and learn something. Here is a list of those somethings that I learned.

1. Breast-feeding in a public place is both sickening and completely acceptable by social standards. While dining at the world-famous Quizno's, I was lucky enough to stumble on such an experience. I was hastily eating (is there any other way to eat?) a toasted turkey sub when the woman sitting across from me pulled out what appeared to be a boob, and began feeding her wanting child, only I don't know how wanting this child was since he didn't even cry. I was aghast, but found that no one else seemed to be. No blanket and no shame. Wonderful.
2. I have been reading Scottish historical fiction type books placed in the 18th century and have found myself thoroughly involved with a 6'4'' red-headed Scot named Jamie. I love him. I will keep him safe from the Jacobite rising.
   
3. I am a hobbit. I have hairy hands. I didn't really learn this but have known it for quite some time, but thought maybe of sharing some of my vast knowledge. Now you've learned something too.
4. There are no worse words than, "I need a favor." 'Favor' really means 'something I know you don't want to do and I wouldn't dare ask you but being that we're related or have been friends for longer than 27 hours, I can phrase it this way and you really have no way of not doing it.' Asking a favor is as binding as any legal contract, but worse since there is guilt involved.
   
5. I am by no means, a domestic goddess. I can't even pretend to call myself that, since I can only cook, bake, or heat up one dish a day. If I make breakfast, Josh can rest easy that I won't be making anything else that day. If I make him a sandwich for lunch, he is already unwrapping the frozen pizza box for dinner. He knows. I know. We know. I do not particularly enjoy cooking. I tried explaining this to my friend, Janette, last Saturday, as she drug me through the grocery store, apparently appalled that I wasn't planning anything for dinner that week. I tried to explain that we already had 4 boxes of cereal and that was more than enough, but she nearly shook with outrage when I said this and started throwing herbs and spices into my cart. I now have an unused lemon that will likely rot before I decide to do anything with it, some kind of weird cheese I've never heard of, a special pasta/rice that I'm supposed to soak or something, something called 'fennel,' and a whole lot more flour than I know what to do with. Can I microwave it?
6. You should never joke about your boss while still at work, since he is likely also still at work. It happens that most of the people at my work went to a wedding on Sunday. I, never having met the happy couple, was being regaled in the happenings of the wedding, and more importantly, of the dancing that did/did not occur. One coworker of mine was impersonating our boss while dancing, when he walked right up behind her to say goodbye. I choked on my laughter, and she just choked.
   
7. I'm pretty sure I don't have a conscience, since I stole a pumpkin from my bishop's garden. It was dangling over the fence, and I made Josh climb up and pluck it off. I now have a pilfered pumpkin on my porch.
8. The power that the Eggo waffle holds over Josh is frightening. I could ask him to crush his Iphone and he would, if only for the promise of an Eggo. He loves Eggos as much as I love cereal, meaning that he would love nothing more than to jump into a pool of Eggos with his mouth wide open. In fact, I am currently listening to him talk to his Eggos, calling them 'precious' and the like. If I'm not mistaken, I'm pretty sure he just referred to them as 'beautiful little candy morsels.' I kid not. Crap. Now he's singing about them ("I can eat another 10 of those bad boys..." sung to the tune of Jingle Bells).
   
9. There is nothing better in life than new clothes, and especially, new pants. New pants make a person feel whole and complete. Forget soulmates, give me Sevens.
10. Fall is the best season in the entire world. California fall does not compare to Utah fall, but it's still fall.