I'm still waiting for Josh to send me my pictures from Argentina so until then, I'll update you with something of great importance.
I've come to the conclusion that I hate beyond hate, being pregnant.
I sat in bed sobbing the other day, absolutely and thoroughly discouraged by the fact that nothing looks remotely attractive on my expanding waistline. "But you're pregnant! You're supposed to expand!" If I hear something like that one more time, I will throw myself off the Coronado Island bridge and take whoever said it with me. I can't take it anymore. Every day of dressing is a demoralizing experience. My utlitmate goal now is to look more like hippo than a whale. I've never felt worse about my appearance in my life, and it is only going to get worse, since I'm only going to get more pregnant, and being more pregnant means being more fat ("It's not fat, it's baby!" Uh huh. And I suppose the baby is currently resting in my neck, then?).
I've always been able to find clothes that I like and feel good in, but that is no longer. I go to these maternity stores and try anything and everything on, only to further discover that it isn't the clothes. It's me. It's my face (usually the proud owner of a long, skinny, horse face, I now have what looks like a saturated marshmallow). It's my shoulders and arms. I've never thought twice about my arms and now I have to constantly check for wiggle, jiggle, and biggle (wanna tell me 'biggle' isn't a word? I dare you, since I could probably smash you with one of my biggle arms. Don't mess. Killing someone might make me feel better).
Josh is also at his wit's end, since he is unprepared on how to deal with a fattening, hormonal wife. Once he finds me laying in bed with an old pair of jeans half-buttoned, a baggy shirt that isn't quite so baggy, and a pillow over my face, he flees the scene. He knows he's about to walk into a deathtrap and I'm not past taking him down with me.
So I know what you're thinking. "She's really being quite shallow and vain about this..." Yeah. That's right. I am. I am shallow and vain. I care if my once-horse face turns into a bulldog face and I care if my arms are more like bags of jello than actual human arms.
Basically, I'm not liking what's happening to my body and I tell the baby (the baby can hear me) all the time to stay in my stomach and not my thighs. I don't think the baby is listening.
The Chet
The Rip
Me and Josh
New Shoes
Some of the Sisters
Meg, me, and Britt
Josh at the Game
The Crew
Josh, me, and Eli at El Indio
The Scott Family
Here is my incredible sister, Natalie's, family
I am pettng an elephant!!
Me and the Horse
I'm the one on the right
Cute neices and nephews!!
Cute Dax and cute Macie
About Me
- Courtney
- Uhh... I wipe bums for a living and I don't actually make any money from it. Go Cornell!
18 comments:
COURT----YOU KILL ME!!! I am so with you though! It NEVER gets easier either! You will be skinny again though, you have a rockin body girl! I wish you were closer so we could be fat together!
LOVE YOU!!! GOOD LUCK!!
Ashlie (Fitch)
Um, P.S. You asked for it. And P.S. You could be like me and be fat without an excuse. So... yup.
Ah Cort...I have been where Josh is...and Kenra has been where you are...a few times. The baby will be worth it! I love you like a little sister and can tell you the most important opinion (better be Josh's) has not changed regarding your appearance. I always found Kenra extremely hot when pregnant...it is a different kind of hot but sizzling on fire hot none the less.
The hormones was one of the hardest things Kenra had to deal with...she really hated feeling like she had no lasting control over her emotions, but you will make it through this, and it is great to see you have not lost any of that great sense of humor! Let Josh rub your belly with cocoa butter and enjoy that which you can't change. You will get your body back...it just does not seem like it when you are in the moment.
You will be skinny again but just enjoy the time you have the baby in you and not outside crying and wanting your constant attention. Do your walking ----that will make you feel better and for heaven's sake wear maternity clothes! Not the kind that just are skin tight but comfortable ones. I did not notice you had a bulldog face! I love you and the baby.MOM
I really want to soothe and comfort but am going to resist those wholesome yearnings and remind you of your recent remark "but Dad, you're old, you're supposed to be gray and chubby" or words very much to that effect. But actually I know that you will recover your sterling frame because you will exercise obsessively until the jiggles are layers of muscle and you will have a baby to boot!
love gray and chubby
I know exactly what you mean. I think the middle months are the worst, cause you aren't huge in the belly yet, you're just huge everywhere else. Maternity clothes don't look great on you cause you don't have the huge belly. Just wait a month or two. Then your belly will be the biggest thing about you and then you will feel a little better. You won't feel all the way better until the baby is out, though. (I hope, I haven't really gotten to that point yet.)
I recall YOU telling me I am prego not fat. I tried to warn you. Also, remember how I always complain about my arms? Yeah, pregnancy sucks. But you WILL get your body back cause you are you, and you don't like being fat. That is how Nat and I are and that is how you will be too.
I know it is depressing but when that belly starts bulging you will feel a little better.
As for Josh? Ty has to try not to divorce me when I am pregnant, so just get through it Josh. This too shall pass.
Oh Court. I can't say I understand because I am not pregnant, but with as much as I care about what my body looks like, and considering I get depressed with it RIGHT NOW, I am sure the months of pregnancy will be quite depressing to me, as well. I am sorry!
been there, done that! the only thing i can say is that it DOES GET BETTER - not 2 days after having the baby - maybe not even 6 months because no, nursing doesn't take the lbs. off of EVERYONE - but it does come off slowly! things we do for kids! totally unselfish - that is what a woman is!
I'd like to see photos of this "fat" Courtney. I do not believe it. It is an anomaly.
I love you.
I think the baby maybe can crawl up and rest in your neck... I think your baby is crawling up and resting in my neck too. That's right, I am definitely putting on some sympathy double chins for you... it's pretty easy for me to do.
First of all- don't even start.
Second of all, come to Irvine & I will go shopping with you. I totally feel your pain. My suggestion is- don't buy "maternity" clothes! (cause they are usually really really ugly).
I'm all about maternity pants from Gap (the only place I have found success with pants), the bella band (so I can wear some of my old pants) & medium tshirts from Target. I have also found some luck with Gap shirts. Dresses & skirts are tough for me.
I'm so sad that you are having such a hard time! Seriously, come shopping with me.
first of all, you never had a horse face (that is a good thing), and second, i doubt your face looks like a saturated marshmallow or bulldog :) I do understand where you are coming from though. All I can say is, I hope you get happier and enjoy the experience ;)
K first I've got to mention to Chad that no, Kenra cannot relate in the fat department because she never gets fat. She barely looks pregnant till two days before she gives birth then goes home in her jeans afterwards. I despise those skinny people who look skinny everywhere and just have a cute bowling ball in the front! Hormones do such, though. Pregnancy is not Ryan's favorite time, either, but he's really good about it.
That being said, Court, get some good maternity clothes and you will feel better. The longer I try to stay in my "normal" clothes the worse I feel because they just remind you constantly that you're getting bigger and bigger. Order from Old Navy or gap maternity, and shop Target. They have some cute stuff. You will feel better and look better I promise.
Thirdly, pregnancy is a necessary evil to getting these beautiful babies here. It sucks, but let me tell you...it's worth it in the end...you will see when you're trying to resist eating your child. And definitely exercise. It helps a lot and you will lose the weight a lot faster after. Love you!!!
If it's any consolation, Corky, it will actually get worse. So cheer up! Once Little It is running around, ruining everything (but somehow making you just happy enough that you don't commit infanticide), you'll wonder why you can't put him/her back in the womb...forever. :-)
I agree with your sister about the maternity clothes thing. If you prolong getting in cute clothes that actually fit you you'll feel worse because your normal clothes are a constant reminder. Also, it might just be the stage you're at. Before you actually have a popping belly you just feel fat. That's at least how I have felt. Once my belly starts popping out I feel much better, but until then I feel horrible. There are some people who just don't like being pregnant, though, and you're not alone if that ends up being the case. You've always been gorgeous, so I can't imagine you looking bad, though. Even in a hippo form, I bet you still look fantastic!
Hey Courtney! Betsy shared your blog with me a few weeks ago so i've been popping in once in awhile. I just wanted to tell you that I feel the EXACT same way about pregnancy as you are feeling right now. I thought it was absolutely horrid and I would weigh myself on the scale and then go complain to my husband that i had gained weight and he would say "you are supposed to gain weight your pregnant". BUT I DIDNT CARE! I ate well and I exercised and the scale kept rising, I hated it. I hated being out of control of my body. Anyways, I know you feel... You are definitely not alone and it will get better in a few months when you actually have a round belly in front not just a squishy pudge where people give you that raised eyebrow look and you can tell they are debating whether to congratulate you or if you are just getting fat. I know I know I know it all. Welcome to being a mom... Isn't it wonderful? You can check out my pregnancy blog.. I share all of my complaints on there. One more thing.. It is possible to not get fat.. I promise you it's possible. But it's hard!!!!! Hard hard hard hard hard!
I'm afraid for my life...I best not comment on ANY part of that post :)
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