House Hunters

After watching at least 5,000 hours of House Hunters, Josh and I have learned several things.

1. In order to properly view a potential house for purchase, one must thoroughly criticise the paint color, light fixtures, flooring, and any other possible thing that the previous owner might have considered 'tasteful' or 'personal.' You must constantly say things like, "This room is hideous! Who lives here? Cavemen?!" You ignore the fact that the previous owner has feelings and might be watching your careful evaluation of their beloved former home, and continue to remark how only the truly insane would consider painting a living room yellow.
   
2. It is only natural when buying a house in the price range of $65,000 to expect a finished basement, granite countertops, all stainless steel appliances, real hardwood flooring, large/luxurious master bedroom, and a manservant who waits on you. Oh, and if the space is less than 2000 square feet, that obviously won't do, since you most definitely need some kind of spare bedroom for when your 30-something year old son or daughter moves back in with you, because they need a little bit of breathing room when it comes to their finances (aka they're in serious debt from all the chain smoking).
3. Josh is gay. We realized this after seeing episode after episode (we have busy evenings, obviously) where the man would continually point out his need for a 'man cave.' What goes on or in a man cave, no one knows, but since Josh blatantly admitted to never needing this mysterious 'man cave,' we ultimately had to face the music that he is gay. He was sort of sad about it at first, but once I told him he no longer had to pretend to care about the NFL, he perked up.
4. In order to appear on House Hunters, you must first prove to be completely ridiculous. You must say things like, "I've just outgrown this space" when living as a single person in a 2 bed 2 bath condo with 3000 square feet. Or you must complain that your current living situation does not allow for you to entertain dinner guests, and upon buying your new home, you prove to all of America that you are now able to entertain you and your one friend. Unfortunately, you come to realize that it wasn't the space that was keeping you from entertaining friends and family... it was just you and your lack-luster personality. But at least you have a large dining area now.
5. Being one of the real estate agents on House Hunters is a lot like being cheerleader. When a client points out the carpet being eaten by weavel, you point out the great view of the backyard. When a client happens to notice there's a hole the size of a cannon ball in the ceiling, you call it a 'laundry shoot.' And when a client is able to remark on the blood splatteres and, "I'm coming back for you" smeared in blood on the wall, you call the former owners 'artists' or 'individualists.' You have to cheer for the good points, and ignore everything else.