I keep meaning to take a picture of my hugeness, but I continually and conveniently forget how to download pictures. Today I am wearing a green shirt. Picture Chris Farley in a green shirt. There's your picture.
All my life I've heard of the great debacle of pregnant women and having strangers randomly touching their stomachs. Some women find it alarming and don't want anyone, not even loved ones, to do the belly rub. Others don't really mind, but find it uncomfortable having a strange woman lightly caressing their abdomen in the grocery store. I was always curious to see where I stood on the matter, being that A) I have absolutely no personal boundaries and would likely welcome the contact and B) I am naturally inclined to seek out praise. A belly pat might as well as be a pat on the back, as far as I'm concerned. "Yes, I am an inspiration to others." or "Why thank you, I do have an absolute glow of immortal beauty about me, don't I!" and even "Sometimes I do wonder what it's like to not be such a good mother, but then, that wouldn't be me..."
So the fact that not a single stranger has yet approached me or my belly, offends me. I've tried to erase the look of pure loathing from my face, so as to encourage those typical of belly-rubbing to feel comfortable in breaking the ice with me, but nothing! I've even tried the occasional smile every now and again. I'm not sure I have it quite down, since it usually looks more like I'm baring my teeth and less like I'm inviting them for a simple stomach stroke. Bottom line? If someone I don't know doesn't come up and ask me when I'm due, all the while hugging my belly, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have a meltdown. I can easily picture myself approaching random grandmas in the grocery store and accusing them of hating babies. I might even use foul words like, 'anti-babite' or 'heathen bigot' to get the message across. Either way, I'm pretty damn close to getting arrested for accosting old ladies for not worshiping my belly or even acknowledging my greatness in baby baking, and I might need to get bailed out of jail one of these days. Will you be the one to help, even with news headlines like, "Rabid Pregnant Woman Beats Granny in Albertson's" or "Large Woman Wearing Green Shirt Overreacts When Sales Clerk Does not Congratulate Her on Supposed Pregnancy!" I just want a little credit.
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6 comments:
I think people know there's a baby with a crazy name in there and they're scared. ;)
Honestly, though, after being pregnant this many times I'm finding people just don't stroke bellies anymore. So many women have proclaimed it offensive now I believe it's become taboo. Don't take it personally. I'm sure everyone who sees you secretly wants to embrace your gorgeous belly and smooch you.
This was really funny. Have you asked Josh if all the grandpas are giving him covert props?
I think I'd be grateful not to have random people touching my belly, especially since it really ISN'T a rare thing to see a pregnant belly, but that's just me. Just a few more months, right!?!
I agree with Natalie - With both of my kids, the only belly rubbing I would get was from family members, and even that was rare... What is not rare are the obscure co-workers/family friends/distant relatives who will approach you and ask when you're going to 'pop' or whether you swallowed a watermelon seed, and then laugh at how original they are... I hated those people... truly.
HAHAHAHA!!!! It must be the california folk. Come to Utah, I will have strangers lined up to touch your belly! And hold your baby randomly when he does come.
I think you just need to be further along. You have to be roughly the size of a barn before people risk stroking your belly. No one wants to mistake a woman being pregnant!! Plus we live in Cali, not Utah where everyone is baby/belly happy. Next time we are out maybe I will secretly ask a stanger to rub your belly so it will make you feel better!
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