LA and boys

**Mom, you hate the word 'fart.' I'm going to ask you not to read this since it uses the word quite often. You should probably just know that the entry talks about the disgusting things guys do and why they do them. There will be no softening words like, 'fluff' or 'toot,' since men neither fluff nor toot. They fart. They do, mom! I'm just telling it like it is! So anyway, don't read this. You'll not like what it has to say.**


I spent this last weekend in LA (one of the most disgusting cities in the US) for a soccer convention for CALLE. My opinion of the disgusting nature of boys was confirmed after spending only 3 full days with no other female companionship (apparently they knew better and stayed away). My days entailed a lot of "That's what she said..." jokes, farting, nasty odors, greasy food, hours of analyzing what makes the Lakers tick, SportsCenter, and even nudity (has anyone ever figured out why men enjoy being naked so much? Five minutes after meeting Dane, I was shocked to see him streaking through the parking lot without a stitch of clothes. Well, not shocked so much as puzzled about the reason for the nudity; we weren't really even talking about anything and suddenly he was stripped and running naked through the parking lot. The other guys all laughed and jumped around like Dane was the most clever being to ever think of such a thing; it was like watching a bunch of chimps at the zoo cheer on their comrade as he made an escape).

Boys are just gross. I love Josh, but he's gross, too. I guess he can't help it. When they come with testosterone, they are engineered to automatically do nasty boy things. Take for instance, the iphone. The iphone isn't nasty, but it definitely caters to guys when there are apps that have a hundred and one different fart noises. The truly amazing thing is not that they exist, but that every single boy in that room (all 5 of them) had their very own farting application plugged into their phone. And not only that, but they spent a good 20 minutes listening to each other's and laughing their faces off. "No, no Ty. Listen to this one! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *minutes go by.... boiterous laughter still ensuing...* "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......" I might have puked.

Not convinced that guys are disgusting? Go into any men's public restroom. Even corporate office building ones where the men are highly educated and likely live very well. The bathroom has pee all over it, toilet paper is strewn across the floor like confetti, and the smell is nothing short of treacherous. Wonder why that is? Because men are disgusting. Plain and simple fact. And don't ask how I know. I know, okay?

Perhaps the most unnerving part of the trip was when I was sitting on the bed with a member of the opposite sex (I'm leaving names out for fear of possible slander suits), watching tv when he ripped one. A normal reaction would be, "Oh gross! Knock it off," rather than the applause and cheers he received from the other guys. You would have thought the guy had just finished a marathon after being diagnosed with a terminal illness that he was supposed to have died from 6 months ago. They all looked at him proudly, and even a little jealously as he sat there still laughing, at this marvelous accomplishment.

I mentioned that LA is disgusting and dirty, but maybe it has something to do with the large population of men and that's why it is the way it is (too many men and not enough women to spray their girly perfumes and such). I'll look into it. But really. I hate that city. I would offer to burn it down but the fumes would likely cover the world in a mist of darkness and we would be no better than the dinosaurs.