July

Alright. It's time for a massive update. Massive because the month of July was basically the busiest month to hit Normandy (I realize that doesn't actually make sense but I'm banking on at least one other person who reads this to actually be dumber than me. Not likely, but possible).

Anyway, this update will not be including a single picture. Nope. Not one. Why? Because I didn't take any. Why? Because I was raised by Vicky and anyone who knows Vicky knows that taking pictures is for other people's mothers. Every picture from my childhood comes from the single source of Carla, my best friend's mom. She happens to be the exact opposite in regards to photography as my mother, but we'll save that for a separate, more meaningless update.

So no pictures and lots of words equals lots of skimming over most everything. I'm okay with that. In fact, I prefer it.

1. My parents got back from their mission. Holy crap that was a long 3 years. Felt more like 10, but hey. They're home.
   
2. Next was Josh's family's vacation to Southern California. We went to Disneyland (never take any child under the age of 3), went to the beach (Rip worshipped the sand and seagulls), and visited old friends in San Diego. It really was a blast so thank you Barb and Dave!
3. This was my grandma's viewing and funeral. Loved the woman tremendously and am so happy that she is finally back with her family. I knew she was getting ready to go when she stopped referring to people as 'jackasses.' I plan on picking up where she left off.
4. The Beez gets married. That's my sister. She actually goes by the name Beezer Bug Face, but Beez for short. Her hair and makeup were incredible. I wish my hair had looked half as good for my own, but considering I had a huge stye in one of my eyes and it was basically half-shut the entire day, hair was the least of my problems.
   
5. Family pictures. Rip did not behave. I would say that I'm surprised, except that I'm not. He has started the terrible twos a year early. He throws tantrums people. He flings himself on to the floor onto his stomach, puts his head down and starts kicking his fat little legs. II really can't help but laugh. His little fits of rage are so futile. "Ohhh! You're mad? Okay then. I'll let you jump into the 6 ft pool by yourself. What was I thinking?"
   
6. The Asay family reunion. This was also a lot of fun, and would have been even more fun without a certain 11 month old. Rip did not like all the kids in his face, smiling and holding his hands. In fact, he usually tried to bite them, only he doesn't have any teeth so it looked more like an open mouthed kiss. Like a cat without claws, his natural instincts are still intact.
   

Basically, it was a crazy month. We find out in 3 weeks what gender this next baby will be, but I have a sickening feeling it's a girl. Don't want girls. Not yet at least. They seem to have too many feelings. So we'll probably be having a girl, and on top of trantrums, we'll have pouting hurt feelings. Blah. I hate feelings.

Also, Rip has started walking. It isn't too impressive, but he seems to get a little more courageous each day. He does look more like Frankenstein than an actual person, but I'm assuimg that will work itself out.

The devil?

I don't think this is a big surprise to most people, since most people are on facebook (I am among the elite few who consider themselves too cool for facebook), but I'm pregnant. I'm due January 1st, making me about 13 weeks. This was a huge surprise to us, but we're happy about it and will be even happier once baby #2 is no longer a newborn. Have I mentioned I dislike newborns? I know, I know. I'm guaranteed a spot in hell for saying that, and my house will probably be egged for the next few weeks (people still do that right? Sad world if they don't...), but I cannot honestly say otherwise. So take it or leave it.

But I'm finding out more and more the type of opinion people have of me (people who don't really know me) and I guess it needs to be said that I am not the devil himself. Apparently there is some confusion about that. I should clarify. I am mostly joking and am actually a well-adjusted person. I don't really hate the entire human race and I do in fact, love my husband and baby. If you lack what I consider a sense of humor and usually find yourself offended by the end of one of my blog entries, I suggest you stop reading my blog and hope and pray we never meet. I'll probably offend you some more. And probably with my fists.

My friend once told me that her friends read my blog and are always aghast at what I'm writing. I don't understand it. If you don't like it, why read it? I have stopped reading many blogs that I find nauseating and repellent. It's very simple. I just make a conscious effort to not go to their blog site. Self-control people, self-control.

Anyway, enough of that. I mostly want to talk about how if anyone knows anyone else who is also due the beginning of January or end of December, please have them contact me. I want to have the first baby of the year (year's supply of free diapers and like prizes involved), and I need to weed out the competition. I'm thinking of busing them all over to Mexico or something around the delivery time, just so they aren't in the state of Utah when it's time. After all, I undoubtedly deserve this more than anyone else. Naturally. I have to put up with all sorts of hardships and a year's worth of free diapers just might make it all worth it. Please have them email me ASAP. I already hate them.

Look at our girl!

Alright, it's decided. I'm pretty sure Rip would make an ugly girl. This picture proves it. Maybe it's best we never have girls, because it doesn't look too promising for any future girl kids of ours.

Motherish

Okay, so for the most part, Rip isn't very photogenic (an inherited disorder, I think). I can't stop laughing at this pose. Rip looks like one of those high school wrestlers who tries to look really tough by making his neck look huge. We tried to take some mother's day pictures, ya know, since I'm a mother? Ish? Well, no matter. He did better with Josh. No wonder, considering he is completely a daddy's boy. Totally prefers his dad. Guess what, Rip? The feeling is mutual.

But the real question is, what to do with Rip's hair. He actually has some (you can't tell, but it's back there; I promise). He has developed the classic 9 month old mullet, and I am torn as to what to do with it. Cut it so he looks absolutely bald, or maintain the flowy back region so he looks like he belongs in an 80's sitcom? What to do, what to do...

Also, Rip loves to play under our bed (our bed is tall; yeah, we're rockstars). He has only just put two and two together. Get mom's phone from off the nightstand, and hide under the bed with it. Mom is less willing to crawl under the bed to retrieve it from you there. He has started stealing things he knows I won't let him have and sprints (more like a sprint crawl of sorts) as fast as his chubby legs will carry him to the most center part of the bed. Sometimes I think the kid is a genius. And then I watch him chase a ball around, and I figure otherwise.

Baby or Kentucky bluegrass?

As mentioned in an earlier post, we are currently in combat with our lawn/weed forest. We've been going back and forth about killing everything alive and laying sod, or keeping up the vigilant weeding and watering program that only seems to encourage more crab grass and other unwanted weedy things.

We ultimately arrived at our decision to sod when Josh asked his mother to come by and give us her best impression of the weed situation of 2010. I watched the Barb drive up, get out, and received my answer only seconds later as I watched her laughing to herself about the state of our weed farm. Since Barb found the dandelion haven to be more funny than anything else, we put on our brave faces and have decided that ripping it all out and laying sod is the only non-funny solution to this weed epidemic. I'm only sort of sad about it. If I really try to be honest about the whole situation, I never believed we could revive Carlos' yard. Not like Josh did, anyway. Every day he would look at the yard and would come inside with the same conclusion. "Seriously, I think there's grass growing!" Josh's optimism was helping him see dandelion heads and sprouts of strangler vines as infant grasslings. If only.

But it shouldn't be too bad, only too expensive. It really is a difficult decision, especially since we've taken a chunk out of our savings to buy a house, and we were planning on buying another baby at the end of the summer (remember how we have to do fertility stuff to get pregnant? I do.). I guess we'll just buy a lawn instead. It makes sense if you really don't think about it.

Carlos

Warning, if you do not care about my house, please stop now. I will now proceed to post 5 billion pictures of nearly every room in my house. Be glad it isn't a huge house. I am. Oh, and if you're concerned about the bare walls, just know that Josh is too. He keeps nagging me to hang stuff up, and I keep nagging him to stop nagging me. I've only just decided to try and see who goes insane first from all the nagging.

I'd like to start out with this picture, since it is the reason for living, according to me. This is a picture of my closet. My very own closet. In my room. I don't have to share with Josh. He has his own, too. And we put built-ins in. I love them. Sometimes, I just open the closet and admire it. Needless to say, Josh's closet is a lot neater. Kudos to him and his OCD.

This is our master bath. Yes, we're sick of the color scheme as well. We've had it for 5 1/2 years. Shoot me, please.
I am no good at taking pictures. This the master bedroom. Unlike this picture, the bedroom is actually quite large. There are two closets (if you missed the importance of that, please see above).

This is Rip's bathroom that he doesn't use since it's only a shower and he is unwilling to take showers at this point (so lame). There is a sink and vanity straight across. Imagine it. It's wonderful, I'm sure.

This is Rip's room. He also has a closet, but quite a bit less magnificent than ours. No built-ins, ya see.

Here is the kitchen. Nothing to write home about, but nothing needing dramatic cosmetic overhaul, therefore, exactly something to write home about. I correct myself.

Here is the living room. Not a great picture or angle, but Josh didn't send me the other pictures I took, so here is what you get. You're missing the best part, though. A black console table that has become the apple of my eye.

To the basement!

The basement living room. Bare, yes? Unfortunately, our basement will remain bare. We have no desire (money) to change this fact. We are currently investing any extra dollar into the plague that is our yard.
Downstairs hallway. Large, spacious, and a complete waste of space. Sounds like someone I know.
Basement bathroom that only gets used every other millennium. That being said, we really need to put in the shower curtain, towel bars, etc. etc. etc. Or maybe invest in some blinds. Nah. It's a nice little surprise for anyone brave enough to peek down there.

The laundry room, or lack thereof really. More like the laundry closet. Oh well. This infuriates Josh. Considering he does a good chunk of the laundry, I tolerate his contempt for the laundry facilities.

Basement bedroom #1 / laundry room.

Basement bedroom #2 / Josh's office that he never works in but works on the kitchen table instead, claiming that he likes to be close to Rip and me. I'm suspicious he just likes to be around when I'm making food so he can bum some lunch from me.

Basement bedroom #3 / Rip's playroom that doesn't actually have more than 5 toys.
There. You've met Carlos (the name of our house). Someday, I will post a picture of the outside, but probably not for a long while since we're in the process of destroying the entire plant life. I'll let you know how it goes.

Assault

I've been staring at this picture for the last 30 minutes, and laughing my head off. Thanks Dayna, for sending these to me. The reason it's so funny is twofold. One, Rip is going to punch her unless she starts kissing him back, and two, she is absolutely horrified by the assault. You can see her tiny fist trying to fend off the beastly boy, but really, when Rip wants something he typically gets it. Poor Jayne. She never stood a chance. He really does love her, though. She, on the other hand, finds him to be overbearing (wonder why...) and slightly overweight. Needless to say, she is not impressed by his aggressive love act. I can't say that I'm too surprised though. There's very little gentle snuggling going on in our home. We show love by throwing him 50 feet in the air and then smooching his face all over. So, really, this is Jayne's fault.

And here is a picture of all the babies of the mom lunch group. I wish Rip would have participated willingly, but after we plied him off of Jayne, he made a conscious decision to not cooperate.